29-Jul-90, Bg.5.2, Moscow, Russia.

Question 26: In a case householder whose materialistic wife or husband left him or her, and if he or one has problems with sexual desires, should one remarry,
or there is a way to avoid the entanglement?

HARIKESA SWAMI: So long as one is still entangled within the material world,
that means he still has material desires in his heart, he has to do something
to put(?) up these desires. So there's two possible things he can do. One is
to take up the path of interaction and detachment that comes from it. In
other words, he can take up the householder asrama again, get remarried and
go through the sufferings of the householder asrama and then realize that
this is not going to give him any satisfaction. And then at the age of fifty
or so renounce of all connections to household life. That's the first way.
The second way is to see directly with one's eyes that there is no pleasure
within this material world, especially in the material householder life. He
can see that it's a source of suffering conditions and nobody is happy in it.
Then such a person can say, -I will not become entangled in this material
existence anymore, I will actually remain brahmacari, [indistinct] ....
celibate and I will simply serve Krishna with no other desire than that." So,
these two paths are opened to you, you may take either path but you must
decide yourself which path to take because you have to live with that
decision. If you get married, you have to live with that, even if it becomes
bad(?). And if you don't get married, you have to live with that, even if you
become entangled in material desires again. So you have to make that
decision, nobody can make it for you, and then you have to live with that
decision through your life and then gradually come to the platform of full
renunciation no matter what you take, whether you take the platform of
householder life or remain in the celibate stage, you have to yourself take
up this path and come to the platform of renunciation ultimately.

26-Nov-92, Bg.5.26, Warsaw, Poland.

Devotee: What advice... It seems, it is not... [indistinct] for a
brahmacari to think of marriage on the basis of lusty feelings which come and
go, so what advice would you give someone who contemplates marriage life.
[indistinct] ...is it just some lusty feelings?

HARIKESA SWAMI: One should remain brahmacari when he is very much determined
that this is gonna be his last birth. And there is no question whatsoever of
coming back to this material world. And he'd rather be dead than a
householder. Then a person can remain brahmacari. And everybody else should
get married. [laughter] But it's not good to get married when you are full
of lusty desires. You should get married when you are more cool that you can
enter in the marriage relationship in a KВЙЖa conscious spirit. That's very
important, that there has to be the right attitude before getting married.
One has to understand that getting married is for expanding service, not for
diminishing. Hmm. That wasn't the greatest answer but anyway.

15-Nov-94, Bg.2.39, Moscow, Russia.

Question 9: Should we ask the spiritual master's permission for getting
married?

HARIKESA SWAMI: If you want to get married, you can do so. You don't have to
ask your spiritual master's permission. At least you don't have to ask me,
because I don't give.... I always give permission. I don't say -No." If
you want to get married, you can get married. If after all you've heard about
getting married doesn't help you understand that you shouldn't, and you want
to, then go right ahead. [laughter] You don't have to ask. And don't ask for
blessings or permission to marry a particular girl; and don't ask the
spiritual master to pick a particular girl. Because that is very dangerous,
because if he picks a girl and says, -You marry her," then after two years
you decide, -I don't like her. I didn't want to marry her. I was forced to."
So this is nonsense, and you start to become upset with your spiritual master
because of that: -He gave me this girl." Therefore I don't give any girls, I
don't' give boys girls, I don't give girls boys. I have nothing to do with
it whatsoever. If you want to do it, it's up to you. No one should force you
to get married, it should be your own free choice. If you want to jump in the
p... I mean if you want to engage yourself in that way, then you can do
it. It's not my fault. [laughs] [applause] Who was clapping, the brahmacaris
or the grhasthas? [laughter] I'm not saying there is something wrong with
grihastha life. I am sure grihastha life is wonderful. [laughter]. The only
problem is, is that I haven't met anybody who agrees with me. [laughter]
Except with the honeymoon. When they first get married, for the first six
months: -A-a-a-h, the honeymoon. Ooh, everything is wonderful! Married life
is just so fantastic; this girl is like Laksmi personified [laughter]. This
boy is like Narayana! Everything is great!" Until they find out the truth.
[laughter]
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29-May-95, Bg.2.49, Moscow, Russia.

Translator: One devotee is writing that many devotees in Russia have the
following problem: they don't know should they get married or not?

HARIKESA SWAMI: Should I get married or not? Should I enjoy my senses or not?
Should I have sex or not? Should I try to go back to Godhead or not? Should I
eat more or not? Should I sleep more or not? Should I defend more or not?
Should I, should I, should I, should I... Yes, no. Yes, no. [laughter] Yes,
no. [applause] I think it's obvious, the answer to this question. And
whenever somebody asks me, -Should I?" I say, if you really want to, go right
ahead. But! [laughter] To maintain a wife is very difficult. To maintain a
family is very difficult. If in Kali-yuga you can maintain a wife and a
family, you are considered to be a very successful person indeed. And usually
the wife is very demanding, and usually incompatible with the husband due to
various material circumstances and one is suffering so much. Therefore, if
you want to get married, go ahead. But don't expect any success. [pause] Just
don't expect happiness. [pause] [laughter] And if you don't want to get
married, then by all means, don't. [laughter] You will remain happier. Look,
you've got to suffer in either case. If you don't get married, you suffer
because you don't have a woman. If you get married, you suffer because you
have a woman. [laughter] In either case you suffer, and the cause is exactly
the same. [laughs] [laughter] Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. I didn't mean
to say all those nasty things. [laughter] I just go crazy every now and then
and tell the truth. I mean a... [laughs] [laughter] [applause] I guess I'm
just one of those fanatical sannyasis. [laughter] Many of my very best
disciples are married. It's a fact. And they are very good householders,
doing nice service for the KВЙЖa Conscious Society. Of course, I don't know
how happily married they are. But they are doing nice service. [SV looks at
Nandapriya and Acyuta who are sitting on the stage, selecting and translating
the questions. Both are grhasthas.] [laughter] [applause] So, some can make
it. Some. So, there is some hope. Maybe twenty-five percent. Not even? Not
twenty-five percent? How much percent? Ten percent. Not even ten? Huh! Five
percent.

Acyuta das: Only those who serve seperately.

HARIKESA SWAMI: Aaa. He says, Acyuta is giving his opinion now. This is not
my opinion. He says, that only those, who serve separately, are successful in
their service. Sounds reasonable. [laughter]